///////////.

im never going to be ok am i.

.//.Your hair is damp from the rain.//.Hungry eyes that look like lust.//.The ghosts of lost loves follow you.//.You feel but you can't trust.//.

so i haven't really been writing much. here or other wise. this week has been a little crazy. ive been back on the east coast for over a full week now. i dont really even know what i think. nyc is home. so there is this element of it being exactly how it is supposed to be. but ive been gone. ive changed in significant and insignificant ways. but yet im still the same as always. and thats what being here is. different and the same all at once. i find myself finding comfort in the only place ive ever been that i haven't been waiting to leave. and yet i yearn for parts of it that are forever lost to me. is this life. growing older. or does any of it matter at all. i want so much. and there is so much to be done. and i am happy. there are just these tiny moments that prick me like needles. memories of lives already lived. loves already forgotten. but not really. because it never really wiill be. Happiness is not the absence of pain. For some of us its all we have to distinguish it.

Speak on it Girl Episode#2.

8:05:19 PM LauraHearattack.: im getting business cards

8:05:29 PM LauraHearattack.: i love getting business cards

8:05:39 PM derektrainwreck: i need to get some!

8:05:47 PM LauraHearattack.: ya you do

8:05:51 PM LauraHearattack.: then we can trade

8:05:56 PM LauraHearattack.: like pogs

8:08:53 PM derektrainwreck: or stds